I lied once.
I didn’t really kill a bear. But, that doesn’t matter. No one listens to me anyway. I wonder what life would be like if I wasn’t the youngest. The youngest of eight brothers. The one everyone feels the need to protect. To tease. To reprimand.
It’s not that my older brothers are so bad, it’s just that I have so much more to offer – and no one ever gives me a chance. No one really sees me. The true me is invisible. The visible me, is untrue. I am a man trapped in the body of a boy.
Father sends me in to the fields with the sheep. I wish I could go into battle with my brothers. To battle the Philistines. I know I could do it. I did fight off a wolf once, with my bare hands. He lunged at the sheep and I grabbed him around the neck. We wrestled to the ground and I choked him, until his body went limp. I don’t know why I told my bothers it was a bear. They all laughed – with their long beards moving up and down, heads back, mouths open. No one cares what really happened. No one would be impressed with a lie or the truth. I’m in the middle of an endless, unsuccessful cycle of trying to prove myself.
Today, everything changed.
A prophet came. He came to our house, and anointed ME with oil. Anointed me to be the future King of Israel. I will never forget the look on my brother’s faces, especially Eliab. He’s the oldest. The toughest. The one it should have been. He stood there with his mouth gaping open. Long enough for me to fish a grape out of my knapsack and toss it in. He wasn’t pleased. Neither was father. And, I’m not sure Samuel the prophet was either.
But, I will never forget what Samuel said before he left. He said, “A man looks at outward appearance, but the the Lord looks at the heart.”
His words seemed to linger in the air, and then rush into my soul. Like a river bringing life to a dry and weary land. Today the invisible became visible. God was the first to ever really see me. And, today my heart became his. Because, that’s all I’ve ever really longed for – to be truly known.
“Search me God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”