Luke 19:10 “The son of man came to seek and save what was lost.”

In “Love and War”, John Eldredge says, “The son of man came to seek and save what was lost. The hopefulness of this promise is like a sunrise. ..God is about restoring the very things I care about too. What a relief. We’ve got big help on our side. He knows something about resurrection.”

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Mic drop.

Such an encouraging reminder for our days.

We’ve got big help on our side.

He knows something about resurrection.

They say nature heals….and I agree. Beauty heals the human soul. It’s how God designed it. He designed us to be affected by nature. And then, sometimes, we as humans, get confused and decide to worship it. We worship nature and beauty…the very thing God designed to bring us to him and to awaken our souls.

This fall we got to go to Maui, my in-laws treated us with an incredible trip. One morning we awoke to a sunrise and rainbows. We sat on the beach and watched the rainbow…unbroken cover the entire sky. Then a double rainbow came. Then my little nephew played in the sand under the rainbow canopy. Then, we sat in our lawn chairs and looked and looked at it. The rainbow stayed for so long.

In His creation, God calls to us. He awakens something in our hearts that falls asleep with screens and concrete.

Why does he do this?

Are we supposed to pay attention to the rhythm of the seasons? To the way light is bent and reflects color? Is nature a parable he’s speaking each and every day over us to point us to truths and lessons in our regular and boring days?

I think – yes, yes, and yes.

What does it say to you that seasons change?

What does winter solstice say to you?

What does spring say?

What do trees and their roots tell you?

What about weeds?

We could go on and on.

“The hopefulness of the promise is like a sunrise.”

What do you see about God when you pay attention to nature? Hopefulness, seasons changing, blooms emerging from frozen soil, bare times, stormy gales, rainbows….

This year I had the privilege of being home to watch the sun set on the longest day of the year and the shortest day of the year. In June, the top picture was taken at 9:50, and it was warm and the crickets were chirping. The bottom picture was December. It was 5:20 or so. I watched lots of birds. It was cold, and Christmas lights twinkled in my house windows.

The longest day, and the shortest day.

I felt God awaken me.

Awaken me to rhythms of nature. To the mix of certainty (seasons) and uncertainty (will it snow, ice, be warm).

He awakens me to the idea of change. Or newness. Of even resurrection. That the darkest night can be over, and the light coming.

Nature heals.

Don’t we want to notice it.

To put down our devices and bathe in it.

To awaken to beauty and hope and God’s nearness!

Sometimes I think, oh, sure…I can think of God and nature and be awakened on vacation! At the beach! In the sun!

What about in February….the worst month of the year!

(I don’t like February.)

But, guess what…beauty is still there. Nature still heals. God still awakens us.

We just need to bundle up. 😉

(A winter poem and a very old, sweet photo)

Dancing down from heaven

The white snow descends

With magic

Like fairy dust, cloaking winter’s bare.

Thousands of tiny dancers

Spin

And float

As all creation watches.

The wind a symphony

Crescendos

Melody

Silence

Falling snow

Winter’s fireflies

Nature’s wonder

And Earth’s delight.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

Deferred is a strange word to me.

I know what it means but the depth of it is hard to grasp especially when it’s paired in a phrase with “hope”. The words can’t be separated to pack the punch they need to. They have to be held as one unit.

“Hope deferred” is really defined as the delay of a deep longing.

Whew. Do you feel that down deep. Hits you right in the soul doesn’t it.

We have shallow longings and deep longings. And they are very different.

Our shallow longings may be met quickly. Ice cream, Thai food, entertainment. We live in a world of instant gratification. We aren’t used to waiting. We aren’t used to much of anything being deferred. So we are very out of practice with HOPE being deferred.

We don’t even have to wrestle with things very often. “What is that guy’s name in that move?” We just ask one of our many robots and they tell us.

I was listening to the Good Faith Podcast (which is awesome by the way) and they had a lady on who said that a huge part of our lives as believers is wrestling.

God named Jacob Israel AFTER he wrestled him. Israel means “he struggles with God.”

We, as people who seek God, are supposed to be wrestlers. Strugglers WITH him.

But we are out of practice in wrestling in our every day lives. She was suggesting practicing this by NOT asking Siri your question. Just wrestling with it for a little bit. Practicing not knowing. Practicing the struggle in small insignificant ways, and later when you have something big to wrestle with, that muscle might be less prone to spasm.

I think the same is true for hope.

Somehow in all my small hopes being met so quickly, I see myself loosing practice in waiting for the big hopes.

My hope muscle spasms.

Is that why despair can set in so quickly in our times?

Are we out of the practice of hope?

Is hope a spiritual discipline?

Is unmet longing a way of resilience and weight lifting for our souls?

John Eldredge says… “We are offered a chance to live from the end backwards.”

What if I thought of that every day.

What has God promised me? What is at the end?

John Marc Comer says “Hope is the absolute expectation of the coming good based on the character of God.”

What God says is true. It is. He says he will redeem all things. I believe that. That is in his character. I have seen it time and time again.

He will make ALL things new.

He will bring justice and peace and hope and make all that is broken restored.

He has overcome the world.

He is restoring this world. Resurrecting it. For me. And you.

What if I lived from the end backward.

What if I live from the place of my longings fulfilled. That is the “tree of life!” (remember the verse above.)

Waterdeep has an old song that I love. “It’s a long hard road with a good good end.”

I wonder what might happen if we follow John’s Eldredge’s advice and start living from the end backwards.

What if we start living from strength to strength, from hope to hope.

Our lives might become a long hard road with a good good end.

We all want abs in a six pack…but maybe we should want hope in a six pack too. Hope muscles. Hope training. Living from the end backwards.

And to again paraphrase Rabbi Sachs… hope is not optimism, it’s courage.

Be strong and courageous, wrestling and struggling, full of HOPE because you have heard and expect the coming good.

https://music.apple.com/us/album/good-good-end/259603988?i=259603991

“I will make peace your governor and well being your ruler. No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.” (Isaiah 60:5,17-20)

“It takes not courage to be an optimist, but it takes a great deal of courage to have hope.” Rabbi Jonathan Sacks in “Celebrating Life”

My heart feels heavy today. I am longing for justice and mercy. I am longing to be able to do SOMETHING for refugees, and immigrants, and asylum seekers living in fear and terror.

Before you stop reading and say…Don’t make a political entry….

This isn’t political, this is about humanity. We must take political goggles off. Sometimes it’s bigger than left or right.

America, we are missing the mark.

Foreigners or refugees are not to be oppressed.

Who said that? Oh, yes…God did.

“Do not oppress a foreigner; you yourselves know how it feels to be foreigners, because you were foreigners in Egypt.”—Exodus 23:9 (NIV)

I am naive and uninformed about a whole slew of things… I’m not pretending to know how to fix our immigration system. But I am sensitive to my heart and my soul and the feel of our country and how to TRY to be Kingdom people in it.

I don’t know how to fix immigration reform. I don’t know how to speed up the process of immigrants becoming citizens. I don’t know how to best care for refugees. But, I have tried and cared a lot. And many, many others have more than me.

But, we cannot let ICE continue without reform and regulation. We need reform immediately. The intimidation and the oppression MUST stop. There is a more human way to handle our fellow HUMANS. Many of which are in the process of seeking asylum from trauma in their homeland that is larger than we can grasp.

There is the political and then there is INJUSTICE. This is injustice.

I read the news, and then I stop, because I feel so helpless sometimes. But we are not without a voice.

Please, please email and call your senators and ask for ICE reform. Join refugee assistance groups. Right now is the time to call for reform…actually it’s way past time.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr

What can we do now?

We can pray. Pray for peace in our country. For oppression to cease.

We can write our Senators.

We can join organizations that help immigrants with legal counsel, with groceries, with translation, with medical care, and more…

We can love.

Have the courage to hope that change can happen and the courage to know that your voice and action matter.

You are not without a voice.

I am not without a voice.

Have Courage Dear Hearts.

I opened a gift from my friend Hayley yesterday and immediately burst into tears. She painted for me a dream that I have… a little building downtown that I drive by and day dream over. And now this is framed and sitting on my living room book shelf.

Shockingly, this is the second time in just a few short weeks that I’ve cried opening a gift. (My manuscript published by my family being the other that I cried over.)

I can’t remember ever crying over gifts before, but both of these special gift pull at the depth of my soul because they involve dreams. Deep dreams. Dreams of being a “real” writer. Dreams of owning a book store/venue/hang out/convention and creative space.

There is just something of heaven when your loved ones listen to your dreams and give you permission to dream them.

It’s a slice of heaven’s goodness.

It’s Dreams. Gifts. And Tears.

It’s rainbows on the laundry room wall.

It’s magic.

The envelope arrives, and  says, “You may have won a special prize.”

Dear Mam,

It has come to our attention that you may have won a special prize.

Are you weak and uncertain?

Broken and fragile?

Poor in spirit? 

If so, then … Congratulations!

You win access to the Kingdom of Heaven and its power.  Power accessible from all locations. Please redeem coupon immediately. 

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Dear Mam,

Are you mourning and heartbroken? 

Exhausted and sad? 

A little bit dazed?

Congratulations!

You win comfort.  Lots of it.  Coming in every which way.  Please redeem. This voucher does not expire.

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Dear Mam,

Do you hunger and thirst for things to be right and good and just? 

Does nightly news hurt your soul?

Congratulations – you win a swim in the river of life.  Washing over you.  Filling you with goodness, righteousness, and the deep feeling of  “all things new”.  Redeem at heaven’s entrance.

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Dear Mam 

Do you feel small?

Unseen?

Alone?

Congratulations- you win the whole earth.  You inherit it.  Not this one. The new one.  Please be advised – this coupon comes in the form of a giant check.  

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Dear Mam,

Do you forgive easily? 

Are you called a push over?

An empath? 

Are you accused of giving too much grace. 

Congratulations! You win mercy.  You will be hemmed in by it.   This mercy sandwich may be redeemed at any location.

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Dear Mam,

Are you sometimes called naive?

An Ingénue?

Is your heart pure and open going against the grain of the world?

Congratulations – you win seeing God.  Coupon always redeemable. 

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Dear Mam,

Do you move toward others in conflict?

Are you a hostage negotiator for peace?

Congratulations – you win a name plate for your desk that says “child of God.” Also a personalized license plate.  And a name tag.  And a hat.  Basically a “Child of God” swag bag.

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Dear Mam.

Are you laughed at for your heart and kindness?

Made fun of?

Called goodie two shoes and Jesus freak?

Congratulations – you win the master key to the kingdom of heaven.  These keys unlock doors on earth as well.  

Once again – Thank you for playing. 

And congratulations to all our winners. 

This is me at about 10 or so. We were on a train from Washington DC to NYC and I was SOOO excited to see big city life. At this time, we lived in a town of 554 people in Texas…so DC and New York City were both a world of thrill and adventure to little me. You can see the sparkling excitement in my 10 year old eyes.

And here we are today, Jan 6, 2025, on the eve of my 46th birthday. I have a lovely life. A wonderful, handsome, adoring husband and two high school sons who are full of adventure and teenage antics and who, furthermore, eat us out of house and home. I love our life – even when it’s stressful and hard.

But what I want to write about today is not my family…but a line I read in my medical chart notes. It’s stuck with me and pulled at my heart and soul.

A little back story – I broke my elbow this summer – ironically in NYC. I fell off a bike in Central Park with my youngest son, and landed in a weird way and fractured the radial head of my elbow. This little fracture has somehow caused major problems. I guess the elbow doesn’t get great blood flow so it’s known for having problems healing. I had surgery – 2 pins placed and did extensive physical therapy for 6 months to try to get back my range of motion. I also wore this horrible “stretching” cast that slowly stretched my arm straight and flexed – basically it was an insurance approved medieval torture device.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d do all this painful work and not get back my full range of motion. My body has always healed in the past. Why wouldn’t it now?

Yet, in December in my orthopedic doctor’s office, I heard the alarming news that my full range of motion was probably not going to come back. I was advised to stop PT and other interventions and go back to my normal life and see if somehow I could get a few more degrees of motion, but I probably wouldn’t ever go back to a regular flexing and extending arm.

He wrote in the clinical notes, “She will likely experience some loss of terminal extension…”

She will likely experience some loss.

As a words person, this phrase caught me.

I immediately pictured me as a little girl, with a title above my head that said the same – She will likely experience some loss.

Because, unfortunately that’s life, isn’t it. One of my close friends has gone thru breast cancer this year. And in a time of prayer with the Lord, she heard him say to her heart… “did you think you’d make it through this life without scars?”

When she told me that, I teared up. One, for all that she’s been through, and two because unfortunately, yes, sometimes I DO think we are supposed to live life scar free.

Not because that’s what I see in the world, but because that’s the way life is supposed to be.

We aren’t supposed to live in a world where young women get cancer and bodies don’t heal. We aren’t supposed to live in a world where there is war, starvation, slavery, and terrorism.

To quote T.S. Elliot’s The Wasteland, “all we know is a heap of broken images…”

Yes, T.S. that is very true.

But we also know it’s not supposed to be this way.

We long for justice, restoration and healing.

We long for the Kingdom of God. Even if we aren’t believers, we still have the longing and that ache inside of us for things to be made new. To be whole. To be free. To not experience loss.

And, surprisingly it’s THIS exact ache that I think calls us toward God. This ache propels us to wonder if we are made for something more…for a world that’s a heap of BEAUTIFUL images, whole and healed and restored.

I asked Jesus about this phrase. “She will likely experience some loss.” I asked him to tell me more and sensed him say, “Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Yes, you will likely experience some loss in this life, but it can still be well with your soul because the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who experience loss.”

Blessed are those who experience loss.

Why?

Because loss is a universal connector. It makes us long for the Kingdom, which has been given to those who so desperately long for things to be made new. The Kingdom of God belongs to the desperate, the hurting, those longing for healing and restoration…

So when I see little me on that train, I know…yes it’s true…She will likely experience some loss, BUT she will CERTAINLY experience God make all things new in His Kingdom.

Blessed.

It is well with my soul.

My sweet husband and sons gifted me the best gift I’ve ever received this Christmas. They published my manuscript!! My oldest son designed the cover, and Vince spent hours formatting the text.

After years of rejection from publishers, years of brainstorming hybrid vs. self publishing (and the exorbitant cost we were quoted to self publish), somehow my genius husband DID IT!

Reese said, “Mom, we hope this gives you confidence to go for it.”

😭

The greatest gift.

A hard copy of my dream.

Thank you to my amazing boys…Vince, Reese and Parker. Thank you for believing in me and for a push to keep going even when the world said no.

I love you!